His Best

It’s 11:11PM. As I lay in bed. the energy drink I guzzled in the evening is coursing through my veins, and giving energy to my thoughts on the earlier conversations of the day.

“ I don’t date.”  says  Boy A.

 “Are you gay?” says Boy B.

 “No! Definitely not. I just, well, go to a lot of college parties and want to be able to have fun” .

 “Oh. So you are scared of committing huh?” says I. ( no that isn't another person incognito. It’s me...personally. just me. )

“ Don’t know if that marriage stuff is for me. Don’t think I could do it “ Boy A

“I know that if I am going to bother with it, it better be really special!! I’m only doing this once. “ Boy B

So much of our culture speaks through this short dialogue. So many things ran through my head I could barely keep up. Now, with the help of my AMP energy drink, I will try to piece them out.

My mind firstly went to the girls. Those girls he was sleeping with, with no consequences. Those girls giving themselves to him at no cost. No wonder he doesn't want/need marriage. No wonder commitment sounds like an ugly thing. When he can get it all for free, why bother. He has a buffet ..a free buffet. Why get a meal at a high cost. Why work for something of value when we make the fake taste so good??

We ask for men. We ask for respect and to be cherished. We ask for love, but the fee we actually have them pay is an IOU. You have the power to change culture. You have the power to change a generation. It will take sacrifice. If you are used to being sexually active, and feeding your own desires, it will take sacrifice on your part. But its like planting a seed you wish to see grow. Your stop giving yourself away to someone WHO DOESN'T CARE (if he did he would value your body, would not cheat on you, and would make you wait! Respect you enough to help you wait until the ring is on your finger), you will gain respect. You will raise the bar. Raise it girls!! When you don’t ask for higher standards, who is going to bother giving them.  Their will sometimes be a higher cost. Like having to wait for a guy that is willing to take that challenge set before them. But really…a guy is hardwired for a challenge. Give them an adventure and a mission. Make them work…and I don’t mean be conniving and hard to get. Just don’t be so easy!!!  Like I said. Change the culture…be the culture. He isn’t marrying you? Why should he...you live in the same house, sex whenever he wants, you have three kids together…and you pay most of the bills!! This is a great set up! And he has an out if he needs it. Zero commitment. He can bail on a moment’s notice.

A lot of what I’m writing, and what was joggled in my memory, was from a book I recently read.  It was called “The Man Whisperer”…I HIGHLY recommend it. But the last thought was when a guy meets a girl he really likes, he showers, shaves, irons his clothes, puts on a little (or a lot!) cologne. He works his best to impress her. What if she accepted him in his wrinkled clothing, belching, BO infused old sweatpants….he would have no motivation to be his best. Challenge him to be his best….and you’ll get his best!

Relationships

Relationships: I hear people say sometimes that it scares them that they will spend the rest of their lives with one person. I will be honest, sometimes that scares me too. I am a creative person…one thing for the rest of my life seems boring to me too sometimes. Then I think about where that thought came from. My God is a creative God, and He has masterfully created the perfect person for me. I don’t need to feed my flesh and sample all the rest. With that in mind, put your boundaries at commitment really aggressively in place. Fight for that match that God designed so perfectly. Marriages work when you tell yourself there isn’t a way out. I have known people to say “well if it doesn’t work out” or “if we end up getting divorced”. Don’t go in with a backdoor mentality. When you set boundaries on your thoughts, you will stay loyal…you will be committed. I remember my mom telling me once that just because you are married doesn’t mean people will cease to be attractive to you. It’s a matter of setting in your mind that you belong to him and he belongs to you. There is not room for cheating. No matter what. Boundaries start crumbling when you give way to your thoughts. That’s where 80% of the battle is fought and a lot of times lost. Everyone in creation is subject to temptation. That is the other nugget of truth to grab onto…never tell yourself that you wouldn’t. Don’t say “it will never happen to me”. Be aware of your weakness so that you never get yourself in a position that would cause you compromise. Never wait until that moment of pressure and temptation to set your boundaries. It’s to late at that point! My dads favorite scripture of all time to quote when I get in a questionable situation : Romans 13:14 "But put you on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof."  

In other words, don't trust your flesh to the right thing...because it won't. Don't give it room to misbehave because it will.

I'm not sure why my post took this turn, but I'm assuming it was supposed to be worded this way for a reason

Boundaries :

This generation has lost the concept of boundaries. What once was unheard of now is the norm. What once was sinful is just everyday acceptance and even practice. What I realized recently is what my parents shared with me growing up, not everyone had the privilege of having instilled in them. So I have the opportunity to share them with you. Disclaimer: just because I know what works and what I should do, doesn’t mean I always do it. Therefore my life definitely is full of consequences to my actions, the same as anyone else.

It hurts sometimes when people accuse me of being close minded, as if I have not experienced the world and not heard stories of hard knocks and tough decisions. They see me as one who has had it easy. But easy or less burdened is a direct result of seeds I have sown and what my parents have sown for me. I have not experienced a lot of heartache because I have put up boundaries to shield me from having those sorrows..the results of my actions.

I have created this blog in order to share some of the lines I have drawn, and thoughts I have developed - or had instilled in me.